Why Political Cartoons Suck, and why 9/11 Jokes are Funny and Important
Why is it, that in the Year of our Lord 2024, I have to be subject to shitty political cartoons?
Alright, this one's really off the cuff. I'm dropping the facade of the editorial; this is just a pissed off blue collar guy talking about things that his elders don't want him to talk about. I fucking hate political cartoons. At first I didn't understand them, but now I hate them. They really are the antithesis of comedy and the political process; the whole point of comedy is to inflate and exaggerate something until it's funny. It is supposed to make you laugh, or at least chuckle or smile most of the time. If you want to go back to the historical definition of comedy, it's a play or some kind of a depiction of a story where characters triumph over adversity. If that sounds like a dictionary definition, that's because it is. The whole point of a comedy is that good guy beats bad guy. It's not a tragedy, it's not Romeo and Juliet, it's not the White Sox 2023 season. So why is it, that in the Year of our Lord 2024, I have to be subject to shitty political cartoons?
I get it, I know that they existed for a reason. Ultimately it's the artist expressing their opinion.1 And back in the day, I think they had more purpose. Go look at the old political cartoons from the 1800s and early 1900s, the art style fucking rocks, for the most part they're pretty spot-on with their takes, and they aren't an eyesore. Look at this one, it's Cecil John Rhodes standing over Africa with a big telephone wire in his hand. Is he depicted as kind of a bad guy? Sure. Was he kind of a racist? Probably. Was this meant to glorify him? I don't think so, some might see it that way. But I think we can all agree, it looks fucking awesome. You don't look at this image and feel the need to vomit all over the floor.
Meanwhile, this asshole... This guy makes me want to fucking throw up.
Look at this one, too. What kind of a fucking freak thinks that this looks good? Why do I need to see a hyperealistic depiction of Hillary Clinton? She's already ugly enough in real life, I don't need to see an even uglier version of her drawn in my paper every morning. And I get it, the artist is trying to inform the viewer about their opinions, or about something that happened, and that a big, fuck ugly drawing is a great way to grab their attention. But I don't need to see this. I think everyone knows that Hillary Clinton is not a trustworthy person. Even if you would never admit it publicly, she's not on the up and up. There's no point to making images like this. It doesn't inform anyone of anything, it's not making light of anything, it's not funny and it's fucking disgusting to look at. If Ben Garrison killed himself today, or was gunned down in the streets of New York, I wouldn't mind it. Not because I disagree with his opinions, but because I find his art reprehensible. This looks worse than those caricature artists you see at the zoo and the fair, were they draw you with huge teeth and huge lips and a big disgusting nose. He would find gainful employment at minstrel shows in the deep south in the 1800s. Physicality reflects inter state, and if his art looks like that, he is probably beyond saving.
Look at this guy. Jesus Christ, look at this fucking ugly artwork. I didn't even realize this was apparently written by some democrat guy under the guise of being written by some out of touch boomer. Congratulations on emulating something so well that people believe it's real. I guess this guy might actually have reasonable opinions, and isn't a psychopath like these comics depict the artist as... But where I come from, there's a saying. When someone says something stupid, and then covers for it by saying that they were joking, we say "Ah, so you were merely pretending to be retarded?”2 So this guy is just merely pretending to be an out of touch Boomer drawing in the ugliest art style that looks like it belongs in a diary of a wimpy kid book…. and these cartoons are in The Onion of all places. There was a point in time, many years ago, where The Onion was a parody news website. But I don't think it's a parody news website anymore. If it was a parody news website, it would least have a veneer of comedy. A modicum of funny. But we’re well past that point, it could pass for an actual news website. I don't know whether they look legitimate because they feel like they need to, because other news websites aren't reputable anymore, or because the news landscape has become so toxic that their funny side project now looks legitimate in comparison.
But where does 9/11 fit into all of this? If drawing Hillary Clinton as a squirrel is unacceptable, and drawing the ugliest fucking Boomer I've ever seen is unacceptable, then why is making a joke about planes crashing into buildings acceptable? The short answer is, 9/11 jokes are actually funny. Allow me to ruin the joke by explaining it to you. 9/11 is the biggest tragedy to happen to this country in modern, living memory. Around 3,000 people died in the worst attack on American soil since the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863. It precipitated and exacerbated the war in the Middle East, which spiraled into a 20-year conflict in Afghanistan that resulted in a similar number of American deaths.3 9/11 also affirmed the American surveillance state and police state with the signing of the Patriot Act in 2001 shortly after the 9/11 attacks. Air travel was permanently ruined and the Middle East has become cemented as an ungovernable shithole filled with forever wars. Men and women who were born after 9/11 will die in these wars.
If you go to New York City today, at 180 Greenwich street, you will see two gaping holes in the ground, and an ugly glass and steel building towering over them. These are America's gaping wounds that never truly healed, and will continue to gush proverbial blood for decades to come. 9/11 fundamentally changed the way America and the world works, and the world at large is worse off for it. And that's what makes it so funny. The point of comedy is to inflate and exaggerate, and 9/11 is one of the bigger tragedies in current living memory. And when you joke about it, not only can you get a laugh out of people, but you can also accomplish what political cartoons have failed to do for the last 30 years. I encourage you to make 9/11 jokes and to laugh at them, loudly.
I almost forgot, if I had to make a political cartoon, it would be this. Presidents fighting over porn, and a Nazi with big tits. That is comedy.
That's kind of what I'm doing here... Fuck.
And yeah, that's an offensive word, but I'm autistic, so I'll use it however the hell I want. I got to hear it for 16 years from doctors, teachers, and my peers, and now you get to read it. It's the same as the nigga word in rap music by blacks or the fag word in gay spaces. The point isn't to be edgy or offensive, the point is to remind everyone else the wrong that they've committed over the years, and to remind them that you can't cover up centuries of persecution by just saying “oops, sorry!” afterwards.
3579 coalition dead, which includes the United States and its allies, of which 2,420 were Americans. This does not count the nearly 4,000 contractor dead, the 60 something thousand Afghan Security Force dead, and the alleged civilian toll of 70,000, which I personally don't believe. I think it's higher and has been growing.